Saturday, October 17, 2009

Welcome to Rock Bottom

I've decided to put you out of the misery you must have been suffering, waiting in anticipation ever since my last post. Well the time has come to release my first of many lists. Since we save the best for last, its only appropriate that we start with the worst songs of 2009...hell the worst of the decade.

5. Hoedown Throwdown - Miley Cyrus

Was this a serious attempt at a single? Seems like a parody Weird Al would of put together of an imaginary attempt by Disney/Miley of merging country with hip-hop. I mean "Countrify it"!!! No! I REFUSE. And don't get me started on the rap Miley released about Twitter...

4. Crack a Bottle - Eminem

"So crack a bottle, let your body waddle" really? REALLY? No Eminem, this is not "the moment you've all been waiting for".

3. The Climb - Miley Cyrus

I swear, if i ever have to listen to this cat-screeching, terrorist-attack-on-your-ears excuse for a song, I'll go postal.

2. We Made You - Eminem

Even the Palin bashing can't save you Marshall. You're a year too late for that one.

1. Party in the USA - Miley Cyrus

Another mind-numbing, generic, meaningless song, with the Disney factory stamp of approval. Ugh...Miley.

Special Mention
  1. Good-bye Twitter - Miley Cyrus
It's "Goodbye" FYI, Miley. A search of "good-bye"on the Oxford dictionary returns this result. And your name comes up with that red underline thing! It's not even a name! And if you're going to delete an account, don't make a rap about it. No one cares! Let those 2 million lemmings cry about it. This article sums up my feelings beautifully.

You may have noticed that out of the thousands of songs available to be selected for this list, it only consisted of two artists. Well, let's just lay down the criteria for selection:

  • Must have been released within 2009; OR
  • Must have reached its height of popularity/infamy within 2009;OR
As you can see, I am not the biggest fan of Miss Cyrus. I wouldn't even pirate one of her songs. She is an untalented, bad role model, auto-tune Disney Barbie. I mean, if you want to be a role model to tween girls, don't pose topless in Vanity Fair! Don't take photos that will cause controversy if they were to be leaked! As if that wasn't bad enough, don't turn up to the Teen Choice Awards in shorts that could be mistaken for underwear and whatever you do, DON'T pole dance in front of millions of tween girls. That is, unless you aim to be Hef's next girlfriend, which wouldn't surprise me, frankly.

BTW, "frankly" I wonder what frank ever did to get his name put down like that in history.

All in all, Miley is just another product of the Disney factory. She's what economists call a demerit good. She's overproduced, over consumed and socially undesirable.

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