Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Essence of Life

What is it that makes life worthwhile? Is it the birds chirping away, waking us up at the perfect moment? Is it holding your significant other's hand and staring into their eyes? Or maybe its sharing a few cold drinks with friends, while sharing a few laughs and stories. Well if you answered yes to any of the above questions, you're sadly mistaken. After years of intensive scientific research and calibration, physicists have discovered that the essence of life is none other than music. Don't try and dispute that and say I'm lying unless you have you PhD handy for me to inspect. Would I ever lie to you?

How does it feel to realize that the essence of life is being handed over to you through the radio by Miley and the rest of the Disney crew. Its sad, isn't it. That a sixteen (seventeen?) year-old girl by day, but a singing sensation by night gives your life meaning. And btw, we're on to you Hannah. The same music that makes you want to tear your hair out to cover your ears with, in a lame attempt to drown out the terrorist attack on your ears that is the pole-dancing Miss Cyrus, gives your life meaning. I'll bet that makes you feel happy inside.

But just in case you still hate little old Miley (and who can blame you...she's on the same path that Lindsay followed) here's a run down of the top ten hits from around the world:

United States
  1. I Gotta Feeling - BEP
2. Down - Brit singer Jay Sean ft. America's own Lil Wayne, not yet released in Jay Sean's homeland
3. Party In The U.S.A. - Miley Cyrus (shame on you for buying this)
4. Run This Town - granddad of hip-hop Mr Jay-Z, Rihanna, Kanye Imma-let-you-finish West
5. Whatcha Say - newcomer Jason DeRulo
6. You Belong With Me - Taylor Swift (Kanye outselling Taylor...for shame)
7. Paparazzi - the *unique* Lady Gaga
8. Use Somebody - 35 weeks later and still going strong, Kings of Leon
9. Obsessed - Mariah Carey
10. Empire State of Mind - Jay-Z ft. Alicia Keys

  1. Break Your Heart - Taio Cruz
2. Empire State of Mind - Jay-Z ft. Alicia Keys
3. Sexy Chick/Bitch - David Guetta ft. Akon (P.S. I can find the words without being disrespectful, and a little hint Akon, bitch in't one of them)
4. She Wolf - Shakira
5. I Gotta Feeling - BEP
6. Run This Town - Jay-Z , apparently Rihanna, Kanye West have been relegated to features in the UK
7. Sweet Disposition - Temper Trap, a great Aussie indie group, I suggest "Fader"
8. Boys and Girls - Pixie Lott, also known for Mama Do (Uh Oh, Uh Oh), let's categorize her as...soul-pop
9. Hotel Room Service - Cuban-American Pitbull
10.Dirtee Cash - Dizzee Rascal, virtually unknown in North America but huge in the Commonwealth and Europe

  1. I Gotta Feeling - BEP yet again
2. She Wolf - Shakira
3. Sexy Chick - David Guetta ft. Akon
4. Break Your Heart - Taio Cruz (a Brit singer)
5. Empire State of Mind - You know already
6. Run This Town - Don't act like you don't know
7. Hotel Service - Pitbull
8. Boys and Girls - Pixie Lott
9. Get Shaky - Ian Carey Project (talk about living in the past)
10. Last Request - Paolo Nutini (Scottish singer)

  1. Sexy Bitch - David Guetta ft. Akon (they actually use "Bitch" not "Chick" like frugal old Britain)
2. Like It Like That - Guy Sebastian (remember this guy? The first Australian Idol winner. The guy (get it?) the 'fro who performed on American Idol season 4)
3. Evacuate the Dancefloor - Cascada
4.I Gotta Feeling - BEP the obligatory song in every Top Ten
5. Meet Me Halfway - BEP
6. The Last Day on Earth - Kate Miller-Heidke (Australian singer)
7. I Know You Want Me (Calle Ocho) - Pitbull (that's Street 8 to anyone who doesn't Espagnol)
8. Don;t Stop Believin' - cast of Glee
9. Good Girls Go Bad - Cobra Starship
10. Run This Town - You know who by now

New Zealand (what? They're an important English speaking country too)
  1. Sexy B**** - David Guetta ft. Akon
2. Down - Jay Sean ft. Lil Wayne
3. Sweet Dreams - Beyonce
4. I Know You Want Me (Calle Ocho) - Pitbull (damn he's doing well around the world)
5. I Gotta Feeling - BEP (*yawn*)
6.Oh My - Gin (Kiwi - they like being called that according to Mr NZ Prime Minister)
7. Tik Tok - Ke$ha (new artist on the list!!! That girl from Flo Rida's "Right Round")
8. Bulletproof - La Roux (electro-pop artist popular in the Commonwealth and Europe)
9. Evacuate the Dancefloor - Cascada
10. Run this Town - Jay-Z etc

Don't worry, I didn't forget about you Canada
  1. (a Little) Respect - Audio Playground (don't worry, even those crazy Canucks don't know who these guys are either)
2. Filthy Dirty Drunk N Roll - Ultraviolence (relax there Canada, leave the man-stuff to your neighbors to the South...and West)
3. I'll Go Crazy If I Don't Go Crazy tonight - U2 (why can't you just stick to normal songs, Canada?)
4. Paparazzi - Lady Gaga (finally, a normal Top Ten song)
5. Invasion of I Gotta Feeling - BEP (not even normal enough to buy the regular version of the song)
6. I Know You Want Me (Calle Ocho) - Pitbull
7. Bay of Pigs - Destroyer (just when you were getting normal, you had to go and ruin it all)
8. Celebration (remixes) - Madonna (really?)
9. Ghosts N Stuff - Deadmau5 (electronic group that also hit #12 in UK apparently)
10.Wither - Dream Theater

It's interesting to see the different songs from around the world that are big at the moment. There are a lot of big hits like "I Gotta Feeling", "Run This Town" and "Sexy Bitch/Chick" and a lot of localized talent. If there's one thing we can conclude from this, it's that Canadians have terrible taste in music. I mean "Whither", c'mon...

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