Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Study Break

Sorry folks, I'll be offline for a few days. In between parties and drinking, you just have to find time for study to get that "college experience" everyone keeps talking about...

Saturday, November 14, 2009

That Guy

As soon as you enter a party/bar/room you instinctively have an intense feeling of hatred towards a certain someone, even though you've never so much as seen them before. The reason: He is That Guy.

He's the guy that always has to be the center of attention, constantly yelling out obscene comments in the hope that some poor soul agrees with his sense of humor. Well I'm sorry, but cussing out everyone in the room just isn't quite what it used to be.

For some strange reason, That Guy is oblivious to the fact that they are making an ass out of themselves. To the contrary, in fact. They believe that the rest of the room is laughing hysterically at the crazy antics of this gift from God.

"Any examples?" I hear you ask. Well sure! Kanye, Jon Gosselin, Kanye, Richard Heeney, Levi Johnston, Kanye, Michael Lohan, get the picture.

Well folks, I have a new hatred for That Guy. Not long ago, a group of friends and I were watching an all important football game. We had wings, fries and drinks, in a room light up only by the plasma screen dotted around the room. All was well in the world of sport. It was nearly half-time, my team ahead of course, and That Guy had yet to make an appearance. Well the second half began and out of nowhere He appeared. Swearing at the players through the screen, excusable you'd think but not when he cheers for the opposing side, merely because the rest of the bar were supporting the home side. First mistake and second mistake, douche.

There were a mere 20 minutes left on the clock, and my homeside were blistering in attack. Unfortunately they were unable to connect, due to some rather impressive defense from the opposition. Every opportunity that my team took, the bar would fill with silence, waiting in anticipation and hope. Somehow, the opposition always managed to barely hold on. That's when Mr. Douche decided to play the That Guy card again.

"You suck! *******" were some of the more family friendly comments. This was no fan in rage at his own team's inability to convert play into points. No, it was That Guy trying to win an award for improv stand-up. At every tense moment of the game, the bar would fill with silence, apart from the obligatory "Get off the field! You F****ng suck!" from That Guy. By the end of the game, we all wanted to pound him.

Unfortunately for Douchey-Douche bag, we claimed a well deserved victory that night. And as soon as we did, the place was suddenly filled with a vacuum of space, as people rushed to the exits in order to celebrate somewhere where That Guy wasn't.

Well folks, I'm sorry to say that that task is impossible. Wherever you go, That Guy will follow. Wherever you stand, he stands. Wherever you party, he parties.

So next time you see That Guy, give him a good punch from the rest of us. And another for all the other douchey acts that he is bound to engage in.

Until next time...

Don't laugh at the players name douche bag. It just makes everyone wanna give you a pnch in the face.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Go And Hug A Tree (I Love It)

I don't usually catch many episodes of South Park but every once and a while there's an episode that goes viral. It becomes the new water-cooler topic of the day, or the vodka handle topic if you're in college. There was the Chewbacca defense, Vote or die and the gay fish. Now, Trey and Matt have blessed us with Whale Whores. Enjoy.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Halloween '09 - America's Favorite Holiday

After almost a week away from the blogosphere, I have returned to give you your next fix of random musings.

First off the bat, Halloween '09. No that's not Michael Jackson/Patrick Swayze returned from the dead and multiplied a million times over. And no, that's not Kanye drinking all your alcohol and obnoxiously abusing every female that walks past. Its Halloween!

The only night of the year when persons of the female persuasion can go out in nothing but lingerie, or less if they so desire, without anyone being able to call them a skank/whore/slut. Its that day where everyone gets a free pass to do/wear anything their heart tells them.

Gone are the days of roaming the streets knocking on doors for candy. Instead we're roaming the streets, blind drunk, looking for the next party to crash. So much has changed since our innocent eyes saw Halloween as a day of candy and costumes. Except for the costumes that is. You can guarantee that if it fit when you were five, it can fit when you're 20. In fact, it may have a little too much fabric, so go ahead and cut that bottom inch off that dress Snow White.

From this:

To This:

And, believe it or not, everyone thought she was prude because her costume covered up too much.

In the mean time, I'll let you sleep off your alcohol induced comas that you're all bound to be still in.

Until next time...

Monday, November 2, 2009

The Early Bird

Like a lot of you out there, I'm at that time in my life where getting up is more of an option than a choice. It's a luxury that we all envy when we don't have it, and abuse when we do have it. But, amidst the great relaxer that is sleep, there lies a curse. You know what I'm talking about. It's just gone past noon and your eyes slowly begin to open, taking in the world that's been awake for the past few hours. You groggily contemplate getting up or lying in bed, hopelessly trying to fall back asleep to no avail. After a few minutes of the latter, you decide that its finally time for the world to see your hungover face again. You take a shower, but feel lifeless and unenergized for the remainder of the day.

Therein lies the curse that is the sleep-in. It seems to me that the more you oversleep, the more tired you feel throughout the day. Catch 22, sucks doesn't it? Well suck it up! Not everyone can stay out partying till 3 am, on a Tuesday might I add, only calling it quits because you don't want to miss that all important human psychology class the next day.

Today, unlike all of you out there, I got up at the break of dawn. But sadly it was not by choice. It wasn't even one of those "Ugh, I have to go to [insert lame class here]". No, ladies and gentlemen, it was my alarm clock playing a cruel and unusual punishment on me, in retaliation for all those years of me slamming my hand down on that snooze button I suspect. I set my alarm clock for a reasonable 6.30 (yes am, and don't ask why) and all was well when I got up at 6.30 the next day to take a shower. At least, that's what I thought. Little did I know that it was merely 5.30! My clock had played an elaborate prank on me!

Needless to say I was not happy, and could not fall back to back to sleep because i had already taken a shower. Surprisingly, I was feeling energetic and upbeat, especially since I had only fallen asleep a meager 5 hours beforehand. And we all know that students need at least 12 to survive. While I'm not suggesting you all get up at 5.30, I do think that you should all consider waking up just a little bit earlier every once and a while. Who knows...maybe, like me, you will find yourself with more energy.