Saturday, November 14, 2009

That Guy

As soon as you enter a party/bar/room you instinctively have an intense feeling of hatred towards a certain someone, even though you've never so much as seen them before. The reason: He is That Guy.

He's the guy that always has to be the center of attention, constantly yelling out obscene comments in the hope that some poor soul agrees with his sense of humor. Well I'm sorry, but cussing out everyone in the room just isn't quite what it used to be.

For some strange reason, That Guy is oblivious to the fact that they are making an ass out of themselves. To the contrary, in fact. They believe that the rest of the room is laughing hysterically at the crazy antics of this gift from God.

"Any examples?" I hear you ask. Well sure! Kanye, Jon Gosselin, Kanye, Richard Heeney, Levi Johnston, Kanye, Michael Lohan, get the picture.

Well folks, I have a new hatred for That Guy. Not long ago, a group of friends and I were watching an all important football game. We had wings, fries and drinks, in a room light up only by the plasma screen dotted around the room. All was well in the world of sport. It was nearly half-time, my team ahead of course, and That Guy had yet to make an appearance. Well the second half began and out of nowhere He appeared. Swearing at the players through the screen, excusable you'd think but not when he cheers for the opposing side, merely because the rest of the bar were supporting the home side. First mistake and second mistake, douche.

There were a mere 20 minutes left on the clock, and my homeside were blistering in attack. Unfortunately they were unable to connect, due to some rather impressive defense from the opposition. Every opportunity that my team took, the bar would fill with silence, waiting in anticipation and hope. Somehow, the opposition always managed to barely hold on. That's when Mr. Douche decided to play the That Guy card again.

"You suck! *******" were some of the more family friendly comments. This was no fan in rage at his own team's inability to convert play into points. No, it was That Guy trying to win an award for improv stand-up. At every tense moment of the game, the bar would fill with silence, apart from the obligatory "Get off the field! You F****ng suck!" from That Guy. By the end of the game, we all wanted to pound him.

Unfortunately for Douchey-Douche bag, we claimed a well deserved victory that night. And as soon as we did, the place was suddenly filled with a vacuum of space, as people rushed to the exits in order to celebrate somewhere where That Guy wasn't.

Well folks, I'm sorry to say that that task is impossible. Wherever you go, That Guy will follow. Wherever you stand, he stands. Wherever you party, he parties.

So next time you see That Guy, give him a good punch from the rest of us. And another for all the other douchey acts that he is bound to engage in.

Until next time...

Don't laugh at the players name douche bag. It just makes everyone wanna give you a pnch in the face.

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