Vindication

Some of you may have thought my previous criticism on Miley Cyrus was a little harsh. Some may have thought that it was perfectly justified. While others may have just thought that i was simply wasting calories by even talking about her. Well to those of you that chose the latter two, I agree. And to those of you who were firmly in the Disney camp, well I'm sorry, but the world says otherwise.

In a recent poll conducted by AOL, 42% of the 44, 594 tweens polled voted Miley Cyrus the "Worst Celeb Influence". Miss Montana beat out competition from Britney Spears (at least she has an excuse...mental breakdown anyone?) with 27%, Kanye West with 19% and Vanessa Hudgens and Shia LeBeouf with 9% and 3% respectively. But in all fairness, what kind of kid is expected to know how to spell "Shia LeBeouf"? Even I had to Wikipedia it.

Seriously, who would look up to this?

Remind you of someone?

And believe me, that's one of the better photos that I could find.

Sorry Kanye, but you'll have to do better than interrupt someone's moment of glory to claim this award. Which was voted the Most Socking Moment of 2009 by 71%. On a related note, congratulations to Taylor Swift who was voted the best Female Artist, and yes, Miley Cyrus was up for this award also.

Stars from Twilight swept several of the other categories, with Selena Gomez taking out both the Best Celeb Influence with 30% over Swift's 28%, and the Favorite Female Television Star by a landslide.

Oh yeah, just in case you live under a rock and are surprised by the results when you hit the link, vampires are oh-so-hot right now in the tween world. Well, everywhere actually.

Timeout

I'd like to take time out from the obligatory end of years lists, and my busy life atm, to plug the new song by Weezer and Lil Wayne (aka Dwayne Michael Carter Jr, thank you Wikipedia). That's right Weezy + Weezer! And you now what that equals? Well they Can't Stop Partying of course! It's a shameless, embarrassing tune for both of these artists, but it its oh-so catchy and is sure to get your soon-to-be-frozen feet moving to that beat. It's got all the makings of an underground dance hit. It's catchy, got great bass, it's pop with just a dash of rap (so hot right now) and the lyrics are terrible, something a child could come up with. That is how you make a semi-hit that people only really listen to in a party or club. Well done Weezy-er (see what I did there), you have a song that is sure to make its rounds on the turntables this fall/winter.

The End is Nigh

As we draw closer and closer to the end of the first decade of the new millennia, it is only fit to list what this inaugural decade was about. But first off, give yourselves a pat on the back ad a round of applause, you survived the predicated Armageddon, or apocalypse, I'm not to fussed. That means one of two things: you're awesome or you're evil and deserve to suffer for eternity. I prefer the former myself.

Enough with the self-congratulatory rituals, let's get on with this list....after the break. Sorry folks, but my studies await, so until next time.

The Year of the...

Seeing as how I've already listed the five worst songs of 2009, it makes sense to list the five best songs of 2009. Well suck it up, because I don't make a lot of sense. Instead, I present to you the artists who defined this year (aka Most Influential Artists). This list is going against the norm..."why" I hear you ask. Well, my dear friends, it's because it only consists of four artists, not the usual five, ten, 20 or 40 (who decided those amounts anyway). Welcome to the revolution of lists:

• Disney

As much as I politely dislike Miley and the crew, it would be impossible to not include her on this list. This year was the year tweendom truly took off. Disney stars such as Miley, Demi Lovato, Selena Gomez, even the Jo-Bros. Well down tweenies, you are number 4 on the list.

• = Taylor Swift
• = Black Eyed Peas

Who can ignore the record breaking Boom Boom Pow or I Gotta Feeling. With millions of songs sold this year, and a trail of broken records in their wake, the Black Eyed Peas enter the list at second equal. This year has also been a fairytale story for Taylor Swift, riding the success of last year's release Love Story, Taylor took the pop world by storm, releasing You Belong With Me. Kanye's outburst at the VMAs only guaranteed Taylor further success and reaffirmed her good girl image.

What list would be complete without...

1. Michael Jackson

Michael's place in this year's most influential artists was a shoo-in but I ad a difficult time deciding on his placement. But I couldn't ignore the posthumous media frenzy surrounding him and the record breaking sales of several of his albums and singles. He truly influenced the recording industry for the better and the fact that he was loved by so many people around the world was the deciding factor. If Taylor or one of the B.E.P.s passed away would there have been as big a media hype around their deaths? Would their albums and singles break records and reenter music charts around the world and take up the majority of the top 40? Congrats Michael...

That was this year's Most Influential Artists awards, stay tuned for more.

Welcome to Rock Bottom

I've decided to put you out of the misery you must have been suffering, waiting in anticipation ever since my last post. Well the time has come to release my first of many lists. Since we save the best for last, its only appropriate that we start with the worst songs of 2009...hell the worst of the decade.

5. Hoedown Throwdown - Miley Cyrus

Was this a serious attempt at a single? Seems like a parody Weird Al would of put together of an imaginary attempt by Disney/Miley of merging country with hip-hop. I mean "Countrify it"!!! No! I REFUSE. And don't get me started on the rap Miley released about Twitter...

4. Crack a Bottle - Eminem

"So crack a bottle, let your body waddle" really? REALLY? No Eminem, this is not "the moment you've all been waiting for".

3. The Climb - Miley Cyrus

I swear, if i ever have to listen to this cat-screeching, terrorist-attack-on-your-ears excuse for a song, I'll go postal.

2. We Made You - Eminem

Even the Palin bashing can't save you Marshall. You're a year too late for that one.

1. Party in the USA - Miley Cyrus

Another mind-numbing, generic, meaningless song, with the Disney factory stamp of approval. Ugh...Miley.

Special Mention

1. Good-bye Twitter - Miley Cyrus

It's "Goodbye" FYI, Miley. A search of "good-bye"on the Oxford dictionary returns this result. And your name comes up with that red underline thing! It's not even a name! And if you're going to delete an account, don't make a rap about it. No one cares! Let those 2 million lemmings cry about it. This article sums up my feelings beautifully.

You may have noticed that out of the thousands of songs available to be selected for this list, it only consisted of two artists. Well, let's just lay down the criteria for selection:

• Must have been released within 2009; OR
• Must have reached its height of popularity/infamy within 2009;OR

As you can see, I am not the biggest fan of Miss Cyrus. I wouldn't even pirate one of her songs. She is an untalented, bad role model, auto-tune Disney Barbie. I mean, if you want to be a role model to tween girls, don't pose topless in Vanity Fair! Don't take photos that will cause controversy if they were to be leaked! As if that wasn't bad enough, don't turn up to the Teen Choice Awards in shorts that could be mistaken for underwear and whatever you do, DON'T pole dance in front of millions of tween girls. That is, unless you aim to be Hef's next girlfriend, which wouldn't surprise me, frankly.

BTW, "frankly" I wonder what frank ever did to get his name put down like that in history.

All in all, Miley is just another product of the Disney factory. She's what economists call a demerit good. She's overproduced, over consumed and socially undesirable.

Let the Lists Begin

We are approaching that time of year again. The time when bloggers, t.v./radio stations, newspapers and all forms of media release their end of year lists. Each issuer of the list thinks that their list is the most important and only correct list of of the millions of others out there. And this year isn't just any ordinary list, oh no. We're celebrating the end of a decade (thats ten years, and you call yourself a college student), so its gonna be a big one. I'm just thankful that in 1999 my young, prepubescent and carefree mind wasn't aware of the frenzy that is the end of year list. It must have been madness. So, to preempt the results of every other list out there, I will produce my own, no-nonsense round-up of the previous year, over the next few posts. Hell, even the previous decade if I can be bothered.

Without further ado, let the listing begin.

This Is It

With the recent posthumous release of the song "This Is It", sung by the late Michael Jackson, the hype around his life and works has kicked up ever so slightly, though not to the same Everest heights that we were exposed to 4 months ago. Since this blog was still an egg in the world wide womb at the time of his death, now is the right time to pay tribute to the man himself. Like him or not, just like George Bush or Mahatma Gandhi, you can't deny the huge effect he had on the world. His music was blasted around the world for 45 years, breaking down the walls of racism, discrimination, cultural and generational barriers. He was the first black artist that received regular airplay on MTV, albeit only after his record company threatened MTV for not playing his songs because of his race. Ironically, without Michael, MTV would never have survived its infant years, nor would Michael have the huge impact that he did had MTV not existed.

His music touched the hearts of billions around the world. From East Berlin to the slums of Brazil, when Michael sung, the world listened. The reason why his music was so universally appealing was because of the cross-genre style of his music. From slow ballads to rock songs, hip-hop to dance, R&B, pop, you name it, Michael mastered it. It was not only his music which held the world in awe, but also his dance moves. The world had idols before Michael, such as Presley or Buddy Holly, but his moves mesmerized and hypnotized the world, holding us in a trance while he danced away. He glamorized the Moonwalk, a move that will forever be attributed to the King of Pop. Michael's revolutionizing of the music video into an art-form, a short film of sorts, allowed his audience to watch Michael twirl, grope and dance across our screens and hearts.

Looking beyond his contributions to music, Michael's contributions to the world can be seen through his philanthropic work. Michael contributed millions upon millions of dollars for tens of different charities, even setting up his own Heal the World Foundation. Michael funded these philanthropic acts through the hundreds of millions of albums sold, making him the highest selling artist of all time. Michael is in no danger of losing this title with the upcoming release of the This Is It album to accompany the film.

While the day Michael died, might not have been the day music died, it certainly was the day the world stood still to pay tribute to the man who revolutionized the world of music.

Marge Bares All

America's longest running sitcom, animated program AND longest running primetime entertainment series has changed forever. The show which people all over the world have fond memories of putting their feet up, clearing their cluttered and stressed minds, as the world paused for a glorious half-hour, to delve into the strange four-fingered world. The well-loved series began as a sketch on the Tracy Ullman Show, later becoming its own series in 1989.

From cartoonist Matt Groening's mind, the world was introduced to the colorful Simpson family, consisting of Maggie, Marge, Lisa, Homer and Bart. It was a gift that the world embraced openly, the show becoming an instant hit. Its place in pop-culture was cemented, even being referenced by then President George H. W. Bush. Bart's catchphrase "¡Ay caramba!" became a household fixture, and commonplace throughout society. However, it was father Homer Simpson's catchphrase "D'oh!" which the world embraced with open arms. This love for the catchphrase couldn't be ignored forever, and was finally introduced to the New Oxford Dictionary of English in 1998. In 2001, this same catchphrase was added to the world's most respectable dictionary, the Oxford English Dictionary.

The show has made a huge impact on the world, but today an announcement was made which shook the world over. Today, it was announced that our beloved second mother, Marge Simpson, was to pose for the gentlemen's magazine Playboy. Not only is Marge to pose for the magazine, but she is to be featured on the cover. It is hard to ignore the impact that this successful series has had on all of us is undeniable, and we can only speculate what the world is going to be treated to next as the series enters its 21st season.

Essence of Life

What is it that makes life worthwhile? Is it the birds chirping away, waking us up at the perfect moment? Is it holding your significant other's hand and staring into their eyes? Or maybe its sharing a few cold drinks with friends, while sharing a few laughs and stories. Well if you answered yes to any of the above questions, you're sadly mistaken. After years of intensive scientific research and calibration, physicists have discovered that the essence of life is none other than music. Don't try and dispute that and say I'm lying unless you have you PhD handy for me to inspect. Would I ever lie to you?

How does it feel to realize that the essence of life is being handed over to you through the radio by Miley and the rest of the Disney crew. Its sad, isn't it. That a sixteen (seventeen?) year-old girl by day, but a singing sensation by night gives your life meaning. And btw, we're on to you Hannah. The same music that makes you want to tear your hair out to cover your ears with, in a lame attempt to drown out the terrorist attack on your ears that is the pole-dancing Miss Cyrus, gives your life meaning. I'll bet that makes you feel happy inside.

But just in case you still hate little old Miley (and who can blame you...she's on the same path that Lindsay followed) here's a run down of the top ten hits from around the world:

United States

1. I Gotta Feeling - BEP

2. Down - Brit singer Jay Sean ft. America's own Lil Wayne, not yet released in Jay Sean's homeland
3. Party In The U.S.A. - Miley Cyrus (shame on you for buying this)
4. Run This Town - granddad of hip-hop Mr Jay-Z, Rihanna, Kanye Imma-let-you-finish West
5. Whatcha Say - newcomer Jason DeRulo
6. You Belong With Me - Taylor Swift (Kanye outselling Taylor...for shame)
7. Paparazzi - the *unique* Lady Gaga
8. Use Somebody - 35 weeks later and still going strong, Kings of Leon
9. Obsessed - Mariah Carey
10. Empire State of Mind - Jay-Z ft. Alicia Keys

UK

1. Break Your Heart - Taio Cruz

2. Empire State of Mind - Jay-Z ft. Alicia Keys
3. Sexy Chick/Bitch - David Guetta ft. Akon (P.S. I can find the words without being disrespectful, and a little hint Akon, bitch in't one of them)
4. She Wolf - Shakira
5. I Gotta Feeling - BEP
6. Run This Town - Jay-Z , apparently Rihanna, Kanye West have been relegated to features in the UK
7. Sweet Disposition - Temper Trap, a great Aussie indie group, I suggest "Fader"
8. Boys and Girls - Pixie Lott, also known for Mama Do (Uh Oh, Uh Oh), let's categorize her as...soul-pop
9. Hotel Room Service - Cuban-American Pitbull
10.Dirtee Cash - Dizzee Rascal, virtually unknown in North America but huge in the Commonwealth and Europe

Ireland

1. I Gotta Feeling - BEP yet again

2. She Wolf - Shakira
3. Sexy Chick - David Guetta ft. Akon
4. Break Your Heart - Taio Cruz (a Brit singer)
5. Empire State of Mind - You know already
6. Run This Town - Don't act like you don't know
7. Hotel Service - Pitbull
8. Boys and Girls - Pixie Lott
9. Get Shaky - Ian Carey Project (talk about living in the past)
10. Last Request - Paolo Nutini (Scottish singer)

Australia

1. Sexy Bitch - David Guetta ft. Akon (they actually use "Bitch" not "Chick" like frugal old Britain)

2. Like It Like That - Guy Sebastian (remember this guy? The first Australian Idol winner. The guy (get it?) the 'fro who performed on American Idol season 4)
3. Evacuate the Dancefloor - Cascada
4.I Gotta Feeling - BEP the obligatory song in every Top Ten
5. Meet Me Halfway - BEP
6. The Last Day on Earth - Kate Miller-Heidke (Australian singer)
7. I Know You Want Me (Calle Ocho) - Pitbull (that's Street 8 to anyone who doesn't Espagnol)
8. Don;t Stop Believin' - cast of Glee
9. Good Girls Go Bad - Cobra Starship
10. Run This Town - You know who by now

New Zealand (what? They're an important English speaking country too)

1. Sexy B**** - David Guetta ft. Akon

2. Down - Jay Sean ft. Lil Wayne
3. Sweet Dreams - Beyonce
4. I Know You Want Me (Calle Ocho) - Pitbull (damn he's doing well around the world)
5. I Gotta Feeling - BEP (*yawn*)
6.Oh My - Gin (Kiwi - they like being called that according to Mr NZ Prime Minister)
7. Tik Tok - Ke$ha (new artist on the list!!! That girl from Flo Rida's "Right Round")
8. Bulletproof - La Roux (electro-pop artist popular in the Commonwealth and Europe)
9. Evacuate the Dancefloor - Cascada
10. Run this Town - Jay-Z etc

Don't worry, I didn't forget about you Canada

1. (a Little) Respect - Audio Playground (don't worry, even those crazy Canucks don't know who these guys are either)

2. Filthy Dirty Drunk N Roll - Ultraviolence (relax there Canada, leave the man-stuff to your neighbors to the South...and West)
3. I'll Go Crazy If I Don't Go Crazy tonight - U2 (why can't you just stick to normal songs, Canada?)
4. Paparazzi - Lady Gaga (finally, a normal Top Ten song)
5. Invasion of I Gotta Feeling - BEP (not even normal enough to buy the regular version of the song)
6. I Know You Want Me (Calle Ocho) - Pitbull
7. Bay of Pigs - Destroyer (just when you were getting normal, you had to go and ruin it all)
8. Celebration (remixes) - Madonna (really?)
9. Ghosts N Stuff - Deadmau5 (electronic group that also hit #12 in UK apparently)
10.Wither - Dream Theater

It's interesting to see the different songs from around the world that are big at the moment. There are a lot of big hits like "I Gotta Feeling", "Run This Town" and "Sexy Bitch/Chick" and a lot of localized talent. If there's one thing we can conclude from this, it's that Canadians have terrible taste in music. I mean "Whither", c'mon...

Ladies and gentlemen, its official, I feel about as old as George Bush must feel. And I'm not even talking about W, I'm talking about granddaddy Bush. Mr H.W. Bush himself, and that's old. Its that kind of old you associate forgetfulness, nonsensical and delusional with...either that or Bush junior. "Why oh why do you so old?" I hear you ask. Well it all stems back to damn procrastination getting one back on me. I was putting off study as usual (which, might I add, I desperately need to be doing) and what happens to appear on the ol' tube but a flashback to the top songs of a decade ago. That's right, its so long ago we aren't even measuring it in years anymore, it has its own measurement!

"What were the top songs of 1999" I hear you ask. Well first off, congrats for doing the math. That's more effort than 76% (trust me, its scientifically proven) people out there used. Well since you asked so kindly here it is:

10. Livin' La Vida Loca - Ricky Martin (thank God we're over him)

9. Nobody's Supposed To Be Here - Deborah Cox (please, we're more mature than that Jake)

8. Every Morning - Sugar Ray (the band not the boxer, silly)

7. Genie in a Bottle - the not so innocent Miss Aguilera

6. Kiss Me - Sixpence None the Richer (I know what you're thinking...worst name so far)

5. ...Baby One More Time - innocent lil' Miss Spears

4. Heartbreak Hotel - Whitney Houston

3. Angel of Mine - Monica (wth? Who is this)

2. No Scrubs - TLC

drum roll please...

1. Believe - Cher

Some of those songs I have no recollection of whatsoever, i.e. Miss Cox and Monica, explain yourselves. My current theory is that they were so bad I blocked them out of my memory. The rest of the list is littered with songs such as "I Want It That Way", "Smooth" (by Santana and Rob Thomas, fool), Bailamos (Enrique Iglesias, don't pretend you don't remember if you're female), "Save Tonight" and a few more Backstreet Boys. But it hasn't been that long since we were jamming out to pre-crazy Spears or "Genie in a Bottle". And by jamming, I mean either playing out in the playground at school. I was only 7 or 8 when those songs came out! It's already been 10 years but it seems like it was just last year that those songs were being played to death. And I mean absolutely thrashed and played more times than Bush made a undecipherable comment.

It was the year the world was scrambling to fix the Y2K bug that was to end the world (thank you computer people), the last year of the 20th century, John McCain was still in his 60s and you could stroll onto any international flight with little question. The world has changed dramatically in the last 10 years but I remember it as though it were only a year or so ago. I remember being excited for the new century even though it changed nothing personally, I remember playing Playstation with my friends. It truly was a simpler time, for me anyway.

I hope this doesn't count as another nostalgic post, if it does, suck it up...

Until next time,

Bob

The Trail of Memories and a Housewarming

Trail of Memories

As I enter my final few days of high school, I am left feeling somewhat hollow. Not Nixon hollow, as in I never achieved much and only left a trail of destruction, but more "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" or that oh-so-corny overplayed song (which some torturous soul always deems that it needs to be played upon entering a new rite of passage) "Graduation (Friends Forever)". In fact, as much as I hate it, that repetitious, whiny, overplayed pop-song embodies how I feel right now. I want to share a few lines with you, which pretty much sum up my feelings atm:

I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we won't be coming back

Before this schooling year began I hadn't really though much about moving on from the bubble that is high school, out into the somewhat real world. I call it the somewhat real world because i always planned on going on to college/university after high school. In fact, to summarize every action or adventure movie ever made, "He thought he had it all worked out, but little did he what was in store for him next". Thank you Indiana Jones for your insight into my life! I thought I would go to university, get a job (in business), settle down and eventually have kids. However, as my time in high school drew closer to an end, I began to question my life plans. I mean, what kind of kid has his entire life planned out from puberty (Michael Jackson (r.i.p.) and Chuck Norris exempt). I want to see the world, experience new cultures, and get out of this bubble of a country. This insight came to me just over a year ago, while visiting relatives, whom I hadn't meet before, overseas. We had never seen each other, yet we acted like we had been living together our entire lives. And when it came time to leave, I felt heartbroken inside because I knew that it was possibly the last time I would eveer see some of them.

But as the inevitable draws nearer to me, I am ready to accept my fate and move on. Last year, especially after meeting and leaving my extended family overseas, I wouldn't have been ready to move on from high school. I was scared, unprepared and unready for change. I'm still scared and unprepared for the huge change that is about to take place but to answer AC/DC I am ready. Just like Daniel Beddingfield, I "Gotta Get Thru This".

Housewarming

Now that I'm (hopefully) over with all this nostalgia, I'd like to thank a lil' lady that goes by the name K-Pop Addict (and yes, that is her real name, her parents didn't even give her a chance. Or maybe they did...I mean when was the last time you meet a stripper named K-Pop Addict. It was just that one time, right? Parents - 1 Stripper - 0.) We have our first blog follower!!! I know what you're all thinking, "Long time reader, first time follower" but get off your lazy asses and follow me. Or leave a comment. BOTH of which K-Pop did. I'm looking at you Jimmy. Put down that ramen and those textbooks and do something productive, like following me.

Bobby out